[Even though his face is free now, Chuuya doesn't actually turn away. His gaze is still lower, and he's not meeting Akira's eyes, but he's not running away either. He doesn't feel like he needs to anymore. ]
It was never about being a shield, you know? It was always "go attack these people" or "break our friends out of jail" or "you should show them why you don't mess with us." Everyone I met only cared about my gravity powers, or my connection to Arahabaki. I was just...a tool, I guess. A means to an end.
[That's why he gets so defensive and lashes out. For the longest time, he's only really had himself to rely on. Even the Sheep, they would have dropped him if he became inconvenient. Which actually, they did.
...boy, that hurts to think about. ]
Dazai was the first one who treated me like a person, not a tool. When he saw people bossing me around and pushing me into using my ability for them, he got mad about it. It was the first time I ever saw him get angry about anything.
[He's not quite done with what he has to say, but he's pausing there to see Akira's reaction. This is when his gaze finally flicks upwards, so he can see what Akira is thinking. ]
[. . . it probably comes as no surprise, but Chuuya is met with a firm, stony expression, one with quiet anger creeping into its edges. his grip on his friend's shoulders tightens, fingers curled into the fabric of Chuuya's shirt. he can tell Chuuya isn't finished with his story yet, so. . . he stays quiet and at rapt attention, silently encouraging him to continue]
[. . .]
[he does want to say something about Dazai, though. he has opinions on that whole mess, after all. but whatever it is he wants to say can wait-- right now, Chuuya is the one sharing with him, and Akira won't interrupt]
[Dazai is a garbage man so those opinions are both expected and valid.
Seeing that anger in Akira does make Chuuya think he might have spoken wrong, but he reminds himself that this is Akira he's talking too. Even at Chuuya's worst, after murdering someone, Akira didn't hate him. That is enough to get him to press on.]
But you know, nobody's ever said they'd protect me before. Even with Dazai, it's always been "let's watch each other's backs". You know, a 'benefit each other' kind of thing. And I don't got a mom or a dad, or any family really, so... you're the first. You're the first one to say I'm worth protecting, even if I'm not strong.
[He's the first to place worth on Chuuya regardless of strength or weakness. ]
...Yeah. I think I'm starting to realize that now.
[It's a quiet admission, like letting out a breath he's been holding in.
He leans in, pressing his face against Akira's shoulder while he slips his arms around him in a hug. He's not really the type for intimate gestures like that, but the physical contact is reassuring after leaving his emotions bare like that.]
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2020-06-22 02:40 pm (UTC)It was never about being a shield, you know? It was always "go attack these people" or "break our friends out of jail" or "you should show them why you don't mess with us." Everyone I met only cared about my gravity powers, or my connection to Arahabaki. I was just...a tool, I guess. A means to an end.
[That's why he gets so defensive and lashes out. For the longest time, he's only really had himself to rely on. Even the Sheep, they would have dropped him if he became inconvenient. Which actually, they did.
...boy, that hurts to think about. ]
Dazai was the first one who treated me like a person, not a tool. When he saw people bossing me around and pushing me into using my ability for them, he got mad about it. It was the first time I ever saw him get angry about anything.
[He's not quite done with what he has to say, but he's pausing there to see Akira's reaction. This is when his gaze finally flicks upwards, so he can see what Akira is thinking. ]
no subject
Date: 2020-06-22 02:43 pm (UTC)[. . .]
[he does want to say something about Dazai, though. he has opinions on that whole mess, after all. but whatever it is he wants to say can wait-- right now, Chuuya is the one sharing with him, and Akira won't interrupt]
no subject
Date: 2020-06-22 03:26 pm (UTC)Seeing that anger in Akira does make Chuuya think he might have spoken wrong, but he reminds himself that this is Akira he's talking too. Even at Chuuya's worst, after murdering someone, Akira didn't hate him. That is enough to get him to press on.]
But you know, nobody's ever said they'd protect me before. Even with Dazai, it's always been "let's watch each other's backs". You know, a 'benefit each other' kind of thing. And I don't got a mom or a dad, or any family really, so... you're the first. You're the first one to say I'm worth protecting, even if I'm not strong.
[He's the first to place worth on Chuuya regardless of strength or weakness. ]
no subject
Date: 2020-06-22 03:30 pm (UTC)Yeah. . .?
[it's sad, in a way. . . that even with Dazai and Ayabe that no one has ever told Chuuya they cared about him like this before]
You don't have to be strong to be worth protecting. [. . .] You're my friend.
[regardless of the things Chuuya has done in the past]
And real friends don't need a reason to protect each other. No mutual benefit or prize or reward.
I just want you to be safe and happy.
no subject
Date: 2020-06-22 03:38 pm (UTC)[It's a quiet admission, like letting out a breath he's been holding in.
He leans in, pressing his face against Akira's shoulder while he slips his arms around him in a hug. He's not really the type for intimate gestures like that, but the physical contact is reassuring after leaving his emotions bare like that.]
Thanks. For everything.
no subject
Date: 2020-06-22 03:48 pm (UTC)I don't know. . . I feel like I should be thanking you.
[for just. . . you know. being there]
no subject
Date: 2020-06-22 03:56 pm (UTC)[Not that he wouldn't throw down for Akira, but it's not what they've been talking about. ]