shortforever | Not Again! With Dazai

[Chuuya is going to wait until after Dazai is showered and dressed before coming to bother him. Since he looked pretty cold and all at trial. And also it takes him a bit to get Natalie to their cabin and settled in.]

C'mon, let's walk for a bit.

[ Shower is good and he's bundled up in dry clothes. He's going to fall in step beside him. His gaze shifting across him to try to figure out what's on his mind. ]

Wanted a romantic walk through the snow, Chuuya?

Something like that.

[No he's actually leading Dazai to a further-off cabin for a bit of privacy. The conversation they're about to have is Something, to be sure.]

Akira told me he loved me. As a friend only, he specified that part, but he still said those words. That he loved me.

[ Yeah, Akira would need to specify that considering everything.

Loved, huh? He's still watching Chuuya closely as he says that. ]

How did that make you feel?

[He shrugs.]

I dunno. I mean, a little glad I guess, since he's my friend and I'm glad he cares. But nobody's ever told me they love me before. I don't really know what it means.

It's the same for you, yeah?

[ He's been there before. ]

It is the same. I don't know if it's something that I'm even capable of. [ Considering everything. ] I did have someone say something similar to me before at the House.

[Man, he totally gets Dazai on the 'am I even capable of it?' thing. While he does experience many more emotions than Dazai does, love just...isn't one of them. Or if it is, then he doesn't know that it's love that he's feeling.]

Yeah? Who said it to you? Reito?

[ There's a nod of his head. ]

In the only letter he sent me. He told me that you said yes. That he's planning on taking the both of us home with him. That I would have a home and a family with people who love me.

I don't think he really expected to be able to talk to him about it because I asked him if he loved me.

[ Chuuya knows Ayabe and can guess how that convo went ]

[He abso-fucking-lutely can guess how that conversation went, yes.]

Hopefully he didn't hi-5 you when you reached for his hand.

[He will never forget that.]

Did it make any kind of sense to you? The whole 'love' thing.

You mean when you were trying to hold hands with him?

[ Remember the dead saw stuff. ]

No, I didn't. I did get him to admit he did want a hug from me.

[ Dazai bullis Ayabe. ]

Not really. From what I can guess with Reito, love or affection is wanting to take care of someone without any expectations. I don't know if that applies to everyone. Some of the people here loved each other.

[ Look at Beau and NHS or Natalie and the two she lost ]

[Yeah, honestly, that's why he's bringing it up now. All the talk of loved ones from the trial today.]

That must be Reito's way of showing love: by taking care of them.

He stops walking there, standing in the snow for a moment.]

I don't know what love feels like. All I know is that if you died again, it would hurt me a lot. So I'd rather not see you die.

[It's not love, but it's something at least?]

[ It's definitely something and he knows that Chuuya means it. so... ]

I feel like it's something that I could eventually figure out or maybe feel something close to it if I stay with you and Reito.

[ He has no idea if it'll be possible and it was something he said to Reito straight up too ]

Even if we don't find it, all of this is still okay, right?

['All of this' being everything they do together. Play around, get into trouble make out, whatever.]

Right. Are you worried about it, Chuuya?

[ If it's not okay or about finding love. ]

Not worried exactly, no. Just...people make a big deal out of love, you know? How love is why you get married, or you stick by the ones you love, or whatever.

I can't say that I love you or Reito. I like Reito, and you're okay too. But that's not love. And I don't know if it'll ever be love.

Is that enough for you?

[ He's had a similar conversation with Reito before... ]

It's fine by me. It works better than having someone who wants to love me.

[ Since it means Chuuya can probably understand. Also Chuuya already knows him enough, while still wanting them to continue this relationship. ]

Also we both know I'm more than just okay, Chuuya.

[ Whatever it is... it's more than okay. ]

I guess it'd be hypocritical of you to not be ok with it, huh?

[It's okay, they can stumble through this together. Or fight through it. Both are equally likely to happen.]

...I don't know where this is going to go, but I'll stick it out. With you. And Reito too, when we rescue him.

[ He can't make promises to stay there, but he did already tell Chuuya he's willing to try to see. He does want to see where this path takes him.

Moving in to press a kiss against his lips. ]

We'll see it when we get there, Chuuya.

[Ah. Silencing him with kisses again. It must be a tough subject for him.

Chuuya will accept that answer though, nodding in agreement. They can wait and see, that's fine.]

[ He can make guesses on certain things, but he doesn't know how Reito's world is or if there would keep his interest. The only thing he knows for sure is Chuuya's trust. Even the future Chuuya still has trust.

Just enjoy the moment, Chuuya. Time to not think for a moment. Sliding his arms around the other to get closer as well as steal some warmth as he tilts his head to fit their mouths better together. ]

[Not thinking is good, Chuuya has been way overthinking things today. And they really do fit together so nicely too.

It's a long, slow kiss, and when they pull back to breathe it's punctuated by breath-fog. ]

Ha...we should go inside and get warmed up, it's cold out here.

[Somehow he doesn't actually feel cold. ]

[ The warmth from Chuuya seems to be infectious even after the kiss has ended. ]

I have Chuuya right here to keep me warm.

[ Moving in closer so they are chest to chest as he tucks his face against Chuuya's shoulder. ]

[Oh no why is he so sappy like this, Chuuya can't handle it. Time to distract from sap.]

Well if you're warm enough, let's do something in the snow then. It probably won't last through Monday.

[ Cause it's fun watching Chuuya react and he was pondering on angling it to getting Chuuya to carry him for a bit. Why use legs when you're with someone who can actually carry you?

He'll consider doing something in the snow for a moment. ]

That would count as something normal.

[ Maybe he'll stick more snow down Chuuya's back then. ]

Alright, let's do something with the snow then.

[Something normal, huh? Well, it's a chance to do another first.]

Not a snowball fight, we already did that.

...snowmen?

Week 3, post-trial

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